I Went on The Trump Diet

7 Days in Hell

Back in the summer, I ate like Donald Trump for a day, which gained quite a lot of attention. I learned a great deal about his eating habits, but I thought, as we neared Election Day, that I would dig deeper, because while I learned a lot from one day, I didn’t get into a rhythm or routine around his eating. With Election Day around the corner, I decided stare directly into the void and eat exactly like Donald Trump until November 5th. A full week.

The resulting ride was a cross between Super Size Me, intermittent fasting, childhood eating habits and meth.

I’m still tallying all the numbers, but this is the food I ate all week. Nothing is left off this list:

• Diet Coke (many)

• Lays Potato Chips

• Oreos

• Nacho Cheese Doritos

• Big Mac

• Chicken Big Mac

• Filet-O-Fish sandwich

• Chocolate milkshake

• Cherry vanilla ice cream

• Starbursts (red and pink)

• Meatloaf

• Meatloaf sandwich

• Caesar salad

• Pizza

• Pizza toppings

• KFC fried chicken

• KFC mashed potatoes

• KFC biscuit

• Water (thank god)

The meatloaf was homemade; that is all that was homemade. I ate breakfast zero times; just a liquid breakfast in the form of Trump’s beloved Diet Coke.

A single Donald Trump dinner

What I did not eat all week:

• Coffee

• Tea

• Bubbly water

• Fruits

• Vegetables except for lettuce

• Minerals

• Vitamins

• The orange and yellow Starbursts

I thought I had the where withall to write about this every day, but I did not. I had very little mental clarity, in fact. I had dreams and aspirations of doing a daily entry here on Substack, but my critical thinking and creative writing skills declined rapidly due to bad sleep, poor concentration, mental fog, physical pain and other fun factors.

What I did was take notes each day, and I am thrilled to relay them soon.

Sample note from Day 4

Is this the Heart of Darkness??? The descent into madness, I started losing it a bit today. Why don’t my teeth feel like teeth right now I’m brushing and flossing even more than usual. I can’t look at a pear like I did today I leered. Leered? Leered.

For now, on this Election Day, please know that I do not understand how Donald Trump is alive on this diet. Whatever you may think of the man, his whiplash diet is absolutely bonkers and a mental impediment because I, a healthy man in his 30s, was wrecked by this style of eating. If I were to continue this experiment beyond seven days, my doctor and dentist would file suit. Or, in this system we live in, maybe they’d love me, because they would be seeing me weekly.

I’m glad the seven days are over, and I’m sure many of you will be glad when Election Day/Month is over. More to come on the Trump Diet.

Linking three GOOD recipes from politicians for your Election Night parties, get togethers, or stay-at-home dinners:

Senator Amy Klobuchar’s Taconite Tater Tot Hotdish (forgive the bad pictures, I posted it 4 years ago before I knew what the hell I was doing with a camera)

Rep. George Santos’s Spaghetti Alla Carbonara (the one which led Santos himself to get sassy with me on Instagram)

Senator Warren Magnuson’s Elegant Quickie

Keep your peace out there today,

Bennett